October 27, 2005


I like to think of myself as a reasonable sort of person- someone who doesn't get angry unless seriously provoked, someone who doesn't engage in pointless in-fighting, someone who doesn't become sadistic and hurtful for any reason. But the person who wrote that insane screed against Walter from a couple of days ago was absolutely none of these things. He was a bitter, vengeful, heartless prick who gave in to half-thought-out motives and complete selfishness in order to degrade someone who clearly deserves better.

Why did I do it? Really, I'm not someone who walks around with a chip on his shoulder- at least, I didn't think I was. I didn't have some horrible hurt or unbearable stress that forced me to lash out. I didn't have any extenuating circumstance that would perhaps explain my using Walter as a whipping boy. My life's good, I'm relatively calm, I'm doing fine. So what the hell was the point of my absurd fury?

I didn't think this was it at the time, but I think it boils down to jealousy. Jealousy over the following that Walter has. And there's no real reason for that, either- I have my outlets, I'm not wanting for attention. But some essential greed in my nature that I hadn't acknowledged made me want more, more, more- and the result was that inexcusable rant, where I accused Walter of many the things for which I was myself guilty.

I'm shocked at myself for my arrogance and cruelty. And I'm horrified to have hurt Walter, who despite my incoherent ravings does a great job at FFC. He deserves his following, and if that got a bee in my bonnet that should have been my problem. But now the damage is done, and I'm completely ashamed.

I've sent you an e-mail, Walter, but I figured I should say publicly as well: I'm sorry. I wish I could make it up to you. And I'll never cross you again on such trivial bullshit or for ludicrous spiteful reasons that I should work out for myself before blowing up.


Walter_Chaw said...

Travis -

It's absolutely fucking huge of you to write this and post it in a public forum. It takes balls and it takes an essential kindness and decency that I appreciate - in no large part because it's something that I wonder if I'd have the forthrightness to do m'self.

I really respect this gesture - appreciate it, too.

Alex Jackson said...

Particularly since what me, Emily, and sort of obliquely Scott were the only people who really responded to that post. Walter quickly shrugged it off and the stream of the discussion sped away from the topic. And that post was the first thing we heard from you in quite a while. You're dwelling on this far more than anybody else is.

And so let me just take the opportunity to say, you know, you're forgiven dude. Come hop in the sandbox and talk movies with the rest of us.

Scott said...

I lived in the same dorm as Travis for two years back at York, where a few us used to watch SISKEL AND EBERT every week in the common room. (Ah, the memories.)He was as passionate about film ten years ago as he is now. He's a good dude with strong passions for film and for life, and his apology shows that he's got a good heart. (Cue the syrupy music, please.)

Hollow Man Stuffed Man said...

"To me, it's but another example of The Weather Man shouting "cunt" in polite company and then handing out ten-dollar bills."

Walter, don't know about anyone else, but this reminded me why I'm a Chaw-fan.

Anonymous said...

We all have it in us to spin into a rant from time to time... big of you to apologize...

Now back to movies... which I enjoy reading about MUCH more


Seattle Jeff said...

Don't worry Travis,

You've opened the door for me to ask Walter and Bill to stop using the terms "natch" and "meet-cute".LOL

Anonymous said...

I prefer the "natch" and "meet-cute" tropes over the "blank-opera" shorthand. Which, thank you, seems to have gone into remission.

Walter_Chaw said...

HA - I'm extremely susceptible to narrative crutches. Most of which Bill kicks out from under me when he gets well and truly sick of my shit.

Bill C said...

Aw Jeff, another meet-cute. And at the blog, natch.

James Allen said...

Hollow Man:
I agree about the line. Perhaps it's the best use of the word "cunt" in a film essay I've ever seen. I almost spit out my orange juice this morning.

As long as we're throwing out fave lines from recent reviews:

On North Country
"According to the world of North Country, it's not terrible enough that awful things happen to a real live person--no, awful things have to happen to Mother-freakin'-Teresa."

On Legend of Zorro
"It's Amblin Entertainment's version of Once Upon a Time in the West, which only serves as a reminder that it's been too long since the last time you saw Once Upon a Time in the West."

Seattle Jeff said...

I can't quote my favorite Walter line word-for-word, but his description of Denise Richards, circa her Bond appearance, is classic. I wish I could remember it accurately, I believe it incorporated plastic, mental deficiency, and joyfully taking advantage of her anyway.

Little help Walter?

And to throw Travis a bone, he was right on the money with his review of The Office Christmas Special.

Anonymous said...

I overuse "natch" entirely on the basis of reading the Marvel Comics Bullpen feature in 70's era comics-Jim Shooter seemed to like that one.

I'd like to use the word "jejeune" but would feel too jejeune in doing so.

joe f said...

Walter's pan of Titanic over in the days of Epinion remians my favourite moment, and also the first review of his I read.